Detailed plot synopsis reviews of Crazy Rich Asians |
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Michael was not happy with his marriage to Astrid. While he enjoyed squirting into her furry snatch, he hates her family, which treats him like shit because he isn't wealthy. He feels great tension because Astrid is so wealthy and he isn't.
Michael thought it would be NICER to pretend to be having an affair and to get Astrid to divorce him than to simply divorce her, which is why he PRETENDED to have an affair. Does this make any sense to you? No? Good! That shows you're paying attention!
Ok, back to Rachel's story now. Rachel fainted when she learned that her father was alive and in prison. One of Ah Ma's maids was tending to her by rubbing her feet. This is the funniest part of the book. In China they help someone who has fainted by rubbing their feet. Heheheheheheh. Maybe while they were at it they should have rearranged the furniture in the room to get some medicinal feng shui going, ha ha.
Click here to see the rest of this reviewRachel calls her mother in America. Her mother admits that Rachel's dad is not exactly dead, and that her mother "kidnapped" Rachel to take her away from her father. I'm not sure what that means. How can a mother "kidnap" her own daughter? Never mind. Anyway, Mrs. Rachel took Rachel away from her Dad, and told Rachel he had died.
Nick shows up again. Rachel says she doesn't want him to bone her ever again, and she wants to go home. She can't accept the fact that his family hates her guts because she's not wealthy. Rachel whines that if they married and had kids that Nick's family would treat them like shit and she won't stand for that, so she is leaving him now, but first she is going to the Chinese prison to visit her dad.
Back to Astrid's story. Charlie advises Astrid to slow-walk Michael's divorce request. He says that Michael still likes banging Astrid so maybe he will return to bang her again sometime.
Then, secretly, Charlie makes arrangements to have the company that Michael works for to be purchased. Then he plans to have Michael's company issue an IPO worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and Michael to be given a lot of stock, and thus before long Michael will become a multimillionaire, and then when Michael is wealthy he won't mind boning Astrid again. If you're paying attention, you have to understand that Charlie is going to pay HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to buy up Michael's worthless company, all to make Michael happy being with Astrid again. Does this make any sense to you? No? Good, you're still paying attention!
Back to Rachel's story. Suddenly, Nick appears with Rachel's mother. Rachel's mother tells Rachel that her father is not in a Chinese prison. She was married to the guy in the Chinese prison, but he was mean to her and beat her, so Rachel spread her legs for the next door neighbor, who was a different Chinese guy, not in prison, so Rachel is the daughter of some anonymous Chinese guy who is not in prison. This is supposed to make Rachel feel a lot better.
Rachel asks how her mother knows that the guy in the Chinese prison is not her father. Rachel's mom says that the guy in the Chinese prison only liked to bone her in the ass, and you can't make a baby that way (just ask any gay man!).
