Detailed plot synopsis reviews of GoneDesert Flower |
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So she filled the bowl with water from the sink to dilute her urine, but made the toilet high enough to overflow, something the next user of the toilet could appreciate.
Most people in Somalia had never seen a toilet, or a white person, or even a white person on a toilet.
When she arrived in London at the Somali embassy, Waris's aunt showed her her responsibilities. She showed Waris the silverware she would be cleaning, though Waris didn't even know what to do with silverware, having never used a fork or knife before. Then, when told she would have to make pancakes every morning for her uncle, Waris said, "Pancakes? What are pancakes?" This is the very funniest line in this entire book.
Click here to see the rest of this reviewWaris worked at the embassy for four years without pay. She was never given a day off in four years. When she said she wanted to go to school in her free time they refused to let her. In short, Waris's aunt and uncle treated her like a slave.
Family members treating other family members like a slave is very common in Somalia.
When Waris's cousin Haji tried to rape her, Waris beat him with a rolling pin. Apparently, family members raping other family members is very common in Somalia.
When Waris's Aunt and Uncle eventually return to Somalia, Waris stays behind. She goes to get a modeling job. Her first modeling job involves having her nude breasts photographed.
Enraged, Waris storms out. But then she finds out that she can be paid 1500 British pounds for having her breasts photographed, and Waris is no longer enraged. She submits, like a whore, and gets her money.
Waris goes on another photo shoot where she has to read a cue card. But Waris is illiterate. She gets in trouble and they have to tell her what to say. Waris does not feel ashamed of being illiterate nor does she learn how to read.
Waris cuts off nearly all her hair, so she looks like a lesbian, and dyes her hair blonde. Her hair is so short that a child who sees her says, "Mommy, Mommy what is that thing? Is it a man or a woman?"
Waris needs to leave the country to do a bit part in a James Bond movie. But she doesn't have a valid passport. So she forges one and takes on a false name. Waris feels no regret about committing fraud or staying in Britain illegally.
Waris started to think more and more about her v_gina. She is envious of the other girls who could urinate much better than she could. They could shoot out a stream of urine while Waris could only slowly drip because her v_gina is all sewn up.
The sewn up v_gina also causes Waris tremendous pain during her periods, because all that bloody mess is stuck inside her v_gina and would only drip out slowly, causing her great pain.
When she lived in Somalia, what Waris did to deal with the pain was to go into the desert and dig a hole and stick her painful v_gina into it. Her sister used to do that with her so the girls would look half buried in the desert as they tried as best they could to bury their v_ginas underground.
This is what passes for state of the art medical care in Somalia.
Waris thought about taking birth control pills to eliminate her periods. But Waris didn't like the fact that the birth control pills made her breasts and ass grow bigger, so stopped taking them.
Waris finally decided to show her v_gina to a doctor in England, and he performed an operation to open the stitches on her v_gina. After that she began to urinate much more rapidly. Waris felt a great freedom in being able to urinate like a white girl. Unfortunately, though, with her clitoris cut off, she could not enjoy sex down there.
Waris still needed a real passport so she could go to do photo shoots in other countries. Her friend Marilyn told her to go to a crooked lawyer who promised her a passport if she gave him 2000 pounds. Waris asked Marilyn if the shady lawyer could be trusted. Marilyn said the crooked lawyer had a nice office in a nice building so therefore could be trusted. For the first time in this story we have finally met someone even dumber than Waris.
The crooked lawyer takes her money and has her marry a really old guy named O'Sullivan who looks like he's dying. In fact right before they get married O'Sullivan collapses and they have to revive him. O'Sullivan is paid 150 pounds for the pretend marriage.
But the authorities refuse to give Waris a passport when they found out she married this old, dying guy. Suddenly her crooked lawyer has disappeared, and O'Sullivan will not cooperate with Waris. She promises him a lot of alcoholic drinks if he helps her convince the authorities theirs is a real marriage but he refuses to help. Finally he dies inconveniently and they discover his decomposed body in his apartment.
Waris is on the verge of being deported when she meets another man named Nigel who agrees to marry her. When she asks why he says he feels the Islamic religion compels him to marry her. He told her "Allah told me it was my duty to save you."
Waris immediately thought Nigel was crazy but she had no options so she agreed to marry him. With O'Sullivan dead she was now available again.
So she marries him but then Nigel goes really crazy and believes they are married for real, for love. He stalks her even when she goes to America for a photo shoot, using her credit card to go back and forth across the Atlantic three times to be with her, even after Waris tells Nigel she can't even stand to be near him.
Waris got a lot of modeling jobs but had trouble showing up on time since she doesn't know how to read a watch. She tried looking at the direction of shadows cast by buildings but that wasn't always a reliable way to measure the time.
