Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The Daughter of Union County |
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Before I start with the plot summary, I have to warn you in advance that when I read this book I laughed and laughed and laughed A LOT. You'll see that a lot in the summary.
Henry Hardin is descended from British royalty and has people call him "Lord" even though he lives on a plantation in Arkansas. How screwed up is that? But wait, the crazyness is only beginning.
So this is the late 1800's and slavery has been abolished but guess what, black people are still basically slaves.
Hardin is not attracted to his wife Bertha. He boned her repeatedly but doesn't enjoy squirting into her body cavity. Bertha is also poorly named because she never gives birth; a bunch of bloody messes come out her v_gina, but never fully baked kids.
Click here to see the rest of this reviewHardin wondered if his p_nis was the problem, so he did a scientific test--he boned one of his slaves. He got her pregnant just fine, so he concluded his p_nis was working properly, and the problem was Bertha's malfunctioning cooch.
Hardin started to bone a servant named Salome, whose name rhymes with baloney, although Hardin is the one providing all the beef, heh heh. Salome seemed especially skilled at pleasing Hardin's p_nis in a way that Bertha never could. He rewarded her by giving her a job mopping the floors in his house. What a generous guy!
But then Salome gets pregnant with Hardin's child and when she gives birth, the baby is white! Hardin decides that since he has no heir and Bertha's v_gina is malfunctioning, that he will tell the world that Bertha gave birth to this child and claim it as his own. Salome has other ideas, however. She wants to give the baby a slave name like Savannah, but Hardin decides to call her Margaret. He tells Salome he is taking the baby away from her and that she can never tell anyone that she gave birth to Margaret.
Salome is not happy with that. Neither is Bertha, who is told she has to pretend that this half-black love child is her own. Hardin smacks Bertha in the face to persuade her of the merits of his argument. Then he punched her in the chin, and Bertha suddenly realized that the child might actually be hers after all.
Hardin persuades Salome to give up the baby by telling her that if she doesn't, Salome will be sent so far away that she will have to live in an igloo, but first, Hardin will arrange for her to be boned by six white guys with large p_nises that have painful spikes on them. Ok I added the pat about the painful spikes but you get the picture. Salome agrees because she doesn't want to be boned by so many guys in one night.
Now this is drama--Hardin uses threats, intimidation, and violence to steal one woman's baby and to force another woman to accept it as her own!
Hardin's mom comes for a visit. She immediately realizes that Margaret is half black. She agrees to keep quiet on the subject as long as Hardin gives her money. Hardin agrees, bribing his mom. Everyone in this story has to be beaten, bribed, or blackmailed. It's like Game of Thrones.
Hardin bones Salome again and she gives birth to another child, but this one has darker skin and cannot pass for white. Hardin lets Salome keep the baby and she calls him Waylon.
As Margaret grew up the secret of her parentage was kept from her. She was taught to be a real white bitch and to treat blacks poorly, which hurt Salome.
Salome gave birth to another Hardin child, but this one was even darker than Waylon. She called him Tom-Tom, after the drums that African people stereotypically banged on. How humiliating a name is that?
Hardin's older brother James, called "The Duke", comes for a visit. He is stuck up and mean. He gets drunk and starts to tell a crowded party that Margaret is really black. Hardin gives him a karate chop to the neck to silence him and hustles him to a private room and makes a deal where he offers to give James money in return for his silence. James inherited most of the family money but lost it. Hardin agrees to support James if he and his wife move to Arkansas. James agrees.
James is curious about Salome's sexual abilities and tells her he will drop by to bone her. He does one evening and starts to mount her when another black servant named Maxwell Joe interrupts. Maxwell Joe is in love with Salome and makes an excuse that causes James to unmount Salome before he has boned her.
We are supposed to think James is evil for trying to force himself on Salome and we are supposed to think Henry Hardin is nicer even though he also forced himself on Salome. But I'm not sure what the difference is. Maybe Henry had a longer p_nis? You may think I'm joking but wait until later in the story when we find out about James' erectile dysfunction. It's that kind of story.
When Hardin finds out that James tried to bone Salome he orders Salome to move into the house so he can protect her from James. And being in the house will make it easier for him to bone Salome while he is protecting her from James boning her. What a heart of gold Hardin has! To celebrate his status has her true protector, he mounts Salome and starts to thrust within her. Squish, squish, squish! This book makes me laugh.
Salome covers up her v_gina and tells Waylon that Hardin is really his father. That is why Hardin has paid for his education. She also tells Waylon that Margaret is his sister, though she doesn't know it yet.
Suddenly, Margaret is 18 years old and being courted by a man with the unlikely name of Sylvester.
