Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The Daughter of Union County |
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Henry Hardin: "Lord" Henry Hardin is British royalty. Living on a plantation in Arkansas. No, this makes absolutely no sense to me either. He pretends to be British royalty in Arkansas. He's married to Bertha, but her v_gina doesn't work properly, so he bones Salome (see below).
James Hardin: Henry's older brother. He calls himself a "duke". He has no children because he can't get an erection, unless he ties up his wife in bed. Heh heh, heh heh heh.
Bertha: Hardin's wife. Her v_gina doesn't work properly, it spits bloody half-baked messes, forcing Hardin to bone other women if he wants a heir.
Salome: Lord Hardin's black servant who he bones repeatedly, squirt! squirt! squirt! She gives birth to three children, Margaret, Waylon, and Tom-Tom.
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Margaret: Margaret comes out white, except she has kinky hair, kind of like Mariah Carey. So Hardin pretends that Margaret is his child with Bertha, and passes her off as white. But Margaret soon learns she is black, and that Waylon and Tom-Tom are her brothers. Margaret gets raped by a guy with the unlikely name of Sylvester, and she marries a guy with the even unlikelier name of Jebediah, who watches as Margaret gives birth to her rape baby, Morris. Yes, this is one f'ed up family.
Waylon: Waylon is the son of Henry Hardin and Salome, but for a long time no one knows because unlike Margaret, Waylon is born black.
Tom-Tom: Can you believe that Salome named her last child after the drums that African people beat? It sounds rather demeaning to name a kid after black drums or a popular GPS service. Tom-Tom is the darkest of Salome's kids, maybe that's why she named him after a drumset.
Jebediah: Margaret's white trash husband. As dumb as a brick.
Maxwell Joe: A black guy secretly in love with Salome, spends a lifetime watching Henry Hardin bone her.
Morris: Margaret's son. He doesn't know that (A) he's part-black, and (B) that he's a rape baby. When he finds out he gets drunk and goes crazy.
Gopher: Yes, there is a guy named Gopher in this book. Gopher runs the local KKK affiliate and cheats Margaret, Waylon, and Tom-Tom out of their land. Gopher and the KKK are the ones with the happy ending in this story. If you love the Klu Klux Klan, you will love the ending to this book. How odd is that?
