Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The House by the River |
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Now, really, does this make the slightest bit of sense to you? Because it makes none to me. It's totally illogical, the most unbelievable of the five stories.
Mag, naturally, is unaware of this scheme, even as Uncle Peter practically gets her to spread her legs for Franco. They fall in love and marry. This upsets Franco's mafia dad Charley, until Franco threatens to kill his dad. Charley agrees to let the marriage go forward, but at first he hates Mag.
Mag starts squeezing babies out of her v_gina, including, incredibly, two boys, one she names after Charley. At this point Charley decides he likes Mag and they are one big happy family.
But then Mag tells Franco that she is aware he is a mobster. She orders him to get out of the Mafia business. Franco tries to explain that there is no way to safely "retire" from the mafia, but Mag insists.
Click here to see the rest of this reviewSo Franco retires and his Mafia rivals see this as a sign of weakness. They kill him, his father, and his MALE SONS, leaving Mag and her FEMALE DAUGHTER alive. How convenient!
Then Mag remembers her Mom, kicking her in the ass and telling her she was an ungrateful bitch, but reminding her that when she had f'ed up her life enough, to return to goatsville. She does.
The five daughters return to the house by the river. For like the 100th time in the book we are reminded of the metaphor of the river. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.
The daughters tell Theodora how they have f'ed up their lives and killed nearly all their men. In fact, curiously, most of them have a daughter named Theodora. In fact, even more curiously, all five of the daughters only have daughters with them--there are no boy children.
After confessing how f'ed up their lives are, they decide that happiness means living in goat village together, and they form a giant lesbian-like commune, with no men, and live happily ever after.
The end.
Literary Criticism:
This was a really, really long book. Over 500 pages, with a lot of characters. Unfortunately, our reward for wading through that length was no Game of Thrones style plotting.
I actually liked the first story somewhat. I was intrigued by Mel's older husband, Apostolos. He couldn't bone Mel because he had heart problems, but he loved her so much that he was even willing to let other guys bone her to stay married to her. The story lapsed into total ridiculousness, however, when another guy impregnated her and Apostolos was happy about it. Of course, Apostolos had to die, since he was a man.
Which brings me to the list of really big problems with the book:
1) What's with all the man hating? Nearly all men die in this book, and only men die. Not a coincidence. I get the feeling the author hates men.
2) The other daughter stories were not compelling. Most of them, with the possible exception of Mag, were cold bitches. Their stories were basically the same: they screwed around and didn't care who they hurt. It's hard to sympathize with them, and if we can't sympathize with the main characters, the book falls flat.
3) The river analogy was repeated too many times. It became really irritating.
4) The end of the story was a big let down. The women return to the village with their daughters (no men allowed!) and suddenly, they are happy.
I kind of get the feeling that it was no accident they were all female in the village at the end, the author seemed to want to say they created a big lesbian commune but was afraid to be explicit about it. So let me be, and tell you how I think it should have ended:
Melissanthi stepped into Theodora's house. Her mother welcomed her warmly. But what started as a hug changed as Theodora put her hands in Mel's panties. Mel started moaning.
Then when Julia came home Melissanthi was there to greet her. She gave her sister a puzzling yet passionate kiss. Julia started to wonder what was going on, when Melissanthi started to rub her breasts and all she could do was moan. Polyxeni quickly joined them and they had a three-way.
When Magdalini came home Theodora shouted "Hold her arms, hold her arms!" as Melissanthi and Julia held her down while Theodora put a lesbian potion in her mouth. In moments Magdalini stopped struggling, and Theodora removed her skirt and sat on her face to introduce Magdalini to the joys of rug munching.
Too over the top? What do you call a story where all the men die and women are happy together at the end? I'm just honest enough to state the obvious.
