Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The Rooster Bar
Todd, Mark, Gordy, and Zola are students at Foggy Bottom Law School. Foggy Bottom, which sounds like the name of a gay bar, is a law school for retards, for students who aren't smart enough to get into a real law school. Todd and Mark and the others scored so low on their LSATS that only Foggy Bottom would take them. The government, however, is paying their way, giving them nearly two hundred thousand dollars in loans to attend.
Todd and Mark are normal, if dumb, Americans. Zola is the daughter of illegal aliens from Senegal. Gordy is a crazy man who takes mind control drugs to prevent him from killing himself. Foggy Bottom will take anyone, even a crazy person, as long as they have the money.Click here to see the rest of this review
Zola's parents have been arrested by the government because they are illegal aliens. Zola, who had the good fortune to emerge from her Mom's dark, furry snatch in an American hospital, is automatically an American citizen, but she worries for her parents, who are locked up and soon to be deported.
Gordy has been boning a white woman named Brenda but also banging Zola on the side. You would think that no normal woman would want to be within a thousand miles of a crazy person, but Gordy has no shortage of places to stick his dick into.
Gordy claims that he owes the federal government $276,000 in government student loans. This makes absolutely no sense. Law school is only three years and does not cost $90,000 a year. Mark and Todd claim to owe nearly $200,000. It is not explained how they could owe so much money.
Gordy gets drunk and gets arrested for drunk driving. Mark and Todd bail him out of jail and take him home. They are worried because Gordy is no longer taking his mind control drugs. Gordy sneaks out and jumps off a bridge and kills himself.
Bye bye Gordy, we hardly knew you! Heh heh heh.
At this point, you may be thinking, what does this storyline have to do with the main plot? Isn't this book supposed to be, you know, a legal thriller? And yet the first 70 pages are about a retarded guy killing himself. It feels totally unrelated to anything.
And then a good 25% of the book is about Zola moaning about her parents in detention. She worries that they will be deported to Senegal. Hey, they came here ILLEGALLY, it is not like they are being killed, they are simply being sent home.
Back to Gordy. When they identify his body, it is bleached, white, and bloated, like a whale, heh heh. We're on page 80 and we're still talking about Gordy. No legal drama in sight yet.
"His skin was white as new snow."
..and everywhere he went, the lamb was sure to go, heh heh heh. I crack myself up!!!!
"By far the most gruesome feature was his tongue, thick and balled up and protruding grossly from his mouth."
Hey, if the retard's tongue is balled up, how can it be protruding from his mouth? Both can't be true.
Finally, finally, on page 91 we get the very beginning of a legal thriller. Mark and Todd get false ID's, and create a law firm based on those false names. The address they gave to the law firm is a bar they go to called the Rooster Bar. Hey, that's the name of this book! It's named after the false address for their fake law firm. What a profound book title!
Mark goes to the courthouse and pretends to have a DUI so he can find out how a real lawyer handles it.