Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
Evelyn Hugo is an old actress who invites a magazine writer named Monique to write her life story. Evelyn says the story will be worth millions and that Monique can keep all the profits. Monique wonders why Evelyn would give her, a complete stranger, the equivalent of millions of dollars, a cock tease whose answer you find out in the final pages of the book.
So most of the story is flashbacks to the past. Mercifully, the time spent in the present, which in books like these is usually a complete waste of time, is minimal.
Evelyn as a 15 year old had enormous breasts. She wanted to be a Hollywood actress. Because she couldn't afford the bus fare, she married a guy named Ernie Diaz who was going to Hollywood; she whored herself for a free ride. I guess you could say that Ernie got a free ride too, heh heh.Click here to see the rest of this review
Evelyn didn't usually enjoy sex with men, so sex was like a teeth cleaning for her.
She started working for Sunset Studios and got very small acting parts. But then she let the head of the studio lick her vagina and she got bigger acting parts. That's right--he didn't want to bone her. He just wanted to lick her pissy. I guess he liked the taste of urine.
Evelyn was Cuban so she had to be turned into a white woman. She changed her last name to "Hugo", became a blonde, and got white teeth. She meets a guy named Harry Cameron at the studio who advises her to date a famous actor named Don Adler.
A recurring theme in this story is that actresses get more popular when they are seen dating famous actors in public. I never understood this connection. If an actress is talented and/or has big breasts, what would it matter who she was dating? But in any event this was a constant theme.
Evelyn dates Don. She like Harry, but finds out that he is a homosexual. Rather than making love to women, he prefers to lie face down on a bed, like a woman, and have another man bone him up the ass.
Evelyn marries Don. He is a very nice husband until he starts beating her up. Wack wack wack! Then he apologizes profusely for beating her up. Then he beats her up again. Wack wack wack!
Then he gets jealous of her success and tells her to stop acting and to become a birthing cow. Evelyn refuses and Don beats her up. Wack wack wack!
Evelyn makes friend with a fellow actress named Celia . Someone tells Evelyn that (a) Celia is a carpet muncher and that (b) at this very moment some girl is sucking Don's penis.
Of the two revelations, Evelyn is more interested in the first one. She runs to Celia and immediately starts making out to her. She presses her breasts against Celia's. Celia's are smaller than Evelyn's, but then so is everyone's.
After a hot lesbian makeout session, Evelyn confronts Don, who is just zipping up after having his penis sucked on.
Evelyn tells Harry that she is a lesbian. She actually says she is bisexual, but really, she is a lesbian. Evelyn has sex with men in the book but almost never enjoys it. She really only enjoys munching on Celia's furry rug.
Evelyn and Don get divorced. Don offers her half his money to keep quiet about his beating her, but arranges for Evelyn to get fired from the studio and blackballed from other studios. This makes absolutely no sense. If Don is willing to give Evelyn half his money to keep her quiet, why can't she use the same leverage to make sure he doesn't sabotage her career? This is never explained.