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anonymous-puppy posts on 10/21/2016 12:46:26 AM I know we’re not defining anything, and therefore we said we're free to date other people, but I don’t feel good doing it. Maybe you feel fine dating lots of people simultaneously, and maybe lots of other people feel fine, but I don’t. I feel like I’m deceiving two other people, and I feel like I’m deceiving myself, because the truth is that you’re always going to like one person more than the other. And the truth is, I find our conversations a lot more interesting. But the other person is more invested and seems to want to define things and see each other regularly and seems to consider me as a person with feelings. And you pretty much told me straight out that you’re not emotionally invested at all, and you don’t want to define anything and would rather come and go as you please, and it’s been pretty evident from our lack of contact recently. Sometimes I feel hurt and sad and angry when I think about this, because I feel like a sex object that’s being picked up and put down at somebody else’s convenience. Sometimes I feel like I’m not being seen as a person at all. But I know a lot of this hurt has to do with my own projections and ingrained social expectations, and probably something to do with the specific hormones the human brain produces after sex and the emotions it forces you to have, and it’s not really anybody’s fault. I don’t wish to hurt anybody in return, and I don’t wish to blame anybody, and I don’t wish to cry anymore about this. I think maybe we should just lose each other’s numbers and move on. That’s what I’m going to do after sending all this to you. I know you’ll have a happy life and be super successful, and you’ll find lots of people who are suitable for your particular needs. I'm just not one of them.
Someonesg posts on 10/11/2016 7:08:41 AM i love you marie, i tried to forget you but could not, thinking of someone for the past 700 days or so is exhausting but hey, love would be boring otherwise none to talk to and relief, have to cope by myself, pains too much pains too much but i guess thats how it works i do not think i will ever forget you... never... i could not accept that i fall in love with you but i cannot take it anymore, i lost...its pointless to object i love you
Anonymous posts on 10/10/2016 7:14:27 PM So.. not sure how to start this really. I just feel like I need to get this out, tell someone. I don't have anyone I really trust though so I guess telling a bunch of strangers this will do lmao. Uhm, well I grew up with my mom. We lived with my grandmother and my uncle.. who actually was my cousin biologically. My aunt didn't want him so my grandmother adopted him. That's a different story though. So as I was uh growing up, My said uncle was touching me..putting things in me. Nobody believed me when I told them so this continued for a very long time, up until I was 7 or so, when someone finally decided to tell my uncle to stop. It wasn't taken to the law or anything, he was young and I guess they brushed it off as child curiosity. Well, he stopped. But that's when he began hitting me, throwing things at me, calling me fat..ugly..worthless..dumb..a nobody. I believed all of it. My mom even joined in, now really the only thing you need to know about my mom is she was drunk and high 24/7 along with all of her friends and boyfriends who were ALWAYS there. Around the time I was 9, this verbal and physical abuse was still going on, but also one of my moms friends, who was like an uncle to me.. he touched me. I told my mom, and she laughed at me. Called me a perverted dumbass. So it happened a few more times, with me not saying anything to anyone in fear of being made fun of I guess. He moved away though so thankfully that didn't last long. A few months after he left, my moms boyfriend decided that I needed to be kicked out of the house for trying to "lie" about it, as I told my mom again and I refused to leave, because I did nothing wrong. So he took a plastic baseball bat that was a toy for my brother, and he pushed me down (in front of my mom) and started hitting me with it repeatedly. Once he stopped, I looked at my mom and for a second, just a second I swore I saw her holding back a smile. They left, I stayed on the floor for awhile. Went to sleep. A few weeks later once the bruises and such were fading they allowed me to go to my dads. I told him and showed him a bruise. He took me to the cops and stuff, and I got taken from my mom for only 2 months. Once I got back things were as they were before, I was being called names and hit, and I wasn't allowed to see my dad again. Not until one day, the day I got taken from that horrid home at the age of 10. My mom and her boyfriend got in a huge fight, I got hurt in the process of this fight, as a wrench was thrown and hit my head. The cops came, found me, and I haven't seen my mom, uncle, or grandmother since that day. She's been in jail a few times over the past 5 years, and she's out again.. dating my friends dad. I live with my dad and his girlfriend, along with her kid. They're all nice for the most part. A lot better than my past home. My life is a lot better. I just can't help but wish I had my mom.



At Peace.... posts on 9/28/2016 6:44:18 PM Its been months since we have spoken. I dont think of you as often anymore. When I do, I just feel sadness. Sadness for what I thought we had and sadness for the loss of the friend I thought you were. I had reached my limit with you....there were too many half truths, too many stories, too many conditions, too many questions.....and just not enough feelings from you. I have accepted that it was about the sex, it always had been. I have accepted that. For the first time I am ok with how things are. I'm ok with a table for 1.
Me posts on 9/19/2016 5:23:26 PM mynwife and I are separated and living 500 miles apart. I came up this weekend to see her and the kids and my 11 year old had a meltdown because I was there. This has placed more of a strain on our marriage. I wanted to leave and go home because I thought that would alleviate the problem. I'm so thankful that I stayed and supported my wife and family. If I left that would have spoken volumes about where my priorities were. I'm not going to run from my family no matter how difficult it gets.
Wanker posts on 9/8/2016 1:46:37 PM If no one wants to hire me, then they're just going to have to support me. I've already fooled doctors into a diagnosis for disability once and I'm doing it again to get more money. I also get free medical and food stamps. I don't pay any taxes. This is what happens when no one will give you a job, because you have to survive somehow. I'm costing the state and federal governments a small fortune all because not one person would hire me. If you own a business or are in charge of hiring, think about this before you pass on someone. You're still going to pay for them. You're just not going to get any work out of them.
Black sheep posts on 8/30/2016 4:39:16 PM A week ago last Saturday I got a call from my son out of the blue. I don't even like to answer the phone anymore when he calls because he only gets ahold of me when he needs something and the rest of the time I don't exist. I didn't answer. An hour later he calls again. I answered and the first thing he says is are you busy today! Now he's an OTR driver and I knew he was on the road, so what could he possibly need? Turns out it was something huge! He was quitting his job (of 4 months) and the closest place that he could leave the truck was Indiana! That's 665 miles each way, and he needed me to pick him up! What?!?! Are you kidding me! His girlfriend doesn't have a license and neither does his mother, so I went because I felt sorry for him (as usual). We haven't been close in a long time so I thought it would be good. I was trying to make lemonade out of the lemons. We talked the whole way home and I thought that finally we could have that bond that I dreamed about. Nope! He's been home over a week and I haven't heard from him, not once. Even when I went over to pick up my grandson, he couldn't even say hi even though he was sitting right there. Same thing when I dropped of my grandson. I was awake for 27 hours straight, and this is the thanks that I get! From this moment on, I will be civil because I want to continue seeing my grandson, but the days of me being used by my son are over! He's left me no choice!
Black sheep posts on 7/29/2016 5:04:07 AM About 4 months ago, I was taken out of work because of a work related injury. Every doctor that I see attaches a percentage to my injury 25,50,75 or 100 and some don't even know the extent of my injuries. What gives these doctors the right to put down 25% when they don't even know what areas are affected. I'm not looking for a handout, I just want to be acknowledged that I'm in pain every day, I can't work and be compensated fairly. On another note in the last 4 months, my grown son has asked me exactly zero times how I'm feeling. Life keeps knocking me down, and sometimes I wonder why I keep getting myself back up! So here I sit. Unable to go anywhere except the doctors because of the pain and couldn't afford to go anywhere anyway. All I can do is feel sorry for myself! If this is all life has to offer, I'm over it.
the_standard posts on 7/21/2016 1:07:18 PM After trying to find pictures to describe what's going on now, my heart has reached the 'desert' stage, metaphorically. a blasted, ash covered desert. First it was dropped, (picturing a cliff into an abyss) another time just left behind, then betrayed (stabbed), then betrayed again (wrapped in barbed wire), and most recently just tapped with a fingernail and fell apart. I don't feel the wetness of the previous emotions, just dry, lifeless ash. Anger may be part of the fire that has burnt and cleared this space, but now I cannot tell, even it has died. I can see further than ever now, but it looks like nothing.
Harley Stew posts on 7/15/2016 10:16:13 PM Someone asked me what I'd learnt about myself this year. I like that question, it's much better than what you want for next year. They go hand in hand but it encourages you to think deeper. Whilst I've grown to be incredibly independent and to enjoy my own company after a while it becomes too much. I struggle to reason with myself, my behaviour becomes extremely self destructive and although I believe that I'm ok, I'm not. That isn't a new thing but admitting it is. No one wants to admit that they have a problem and no one wants to admit that it's in their head. For some reason it's still seen as a weakness rather than an illness. To an extent I'm not that much different to someone with a broken bone, you just can't see my problem straight away. I'm not always the easiest person to get on with and I've let a lot of people down which I'm not proud of but running away can be easier than trying to explain that I'm in a constant battle with myself. I am my own worst enemy which I doubt will ever change but recently I've won more than I've lost. This year I've learnt that it IS ok to admit that I'm not coping, to admit that I need a bit of help and also to accept it without feeling like I've failed. No one can survive in this world completely on their own and no one should have to. I don't have a lot of friends, I can count them on my hands, but that's ok. Surrounding yourself with a small amount of people who genuinely care beats having a hundred that would probably struggle to remember your full name any day. I don't speak to all of them everyday and sometimes I don't see them for weeks but I know that doesn't matter. Each one of them would be there in a heartbeat if I needed them and that's an amazing feeling. They also know that I would do exactly the same for them. The most important thing I've learnt this year? My friends aren't just my friends, they're my family and that means I can overcome absolutely anything ❤
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