The new Battlestar Galactica series has a really weird First season finale--Boomer lands on a Cylon baseship to find it full of Boomers--NAKED Boomers! What's that all about? Do you think the Cylons are sex crazed lesbian robots? If so, is it likely that Starbuck is also a Cylon?
Starbucker posts on 11/28/2006 12:58:32 PM
Should be renamed Battlestar FRACKEDUPTICA.. Let's do a Star Wars remake with Yoda as an aging madam...
FANTASTIC FANTASY posts on 3/23/2006 9:47:04 PM
NEWSFLASH NEW YORK CITY: Three hundred new cases of Sackoff's Syndrome have been confirmed by doctors at the city's PORTHOS Institute for Sexual Dysfunction. Three hundred terrified women with five o'clock shadow stormed the facility demanding immediate medical attention. While the already overworked staff saw to the situation, the stricken womens' husbands stormed the nearest Victoria's Secret store for nightie and teddies in their sizes. Upon learning they couldn't get satin red pumps in size 12ee, the men-women rioted and ripped the store to pieces. Surgeon General C. Everet BANG still insists there is no real need to panic. Of course, he made this statement from behind the mask of a decontamination suit while surrounded by two dozen heavily armed penguins. Also, a second case of the illness has been reported in Hollywood California, where popular talk show host Ellen Degeneres held a press conference this morning saying she had the disease but was not a sufferer, since it had given her what she always wanted most. When asked what exactly that was she just patted her groin area, telling me to come into the men's room with her and she would be happy to show me. As the World continues to slip ever closer to the brink Fantastic Fantasy will be there to cover it for you our readers. Cassie Nova.
FANTASTIC FANTASY posts on 3/23/2006 12:15:42 PM
NEWS FLASH LOS ANGELES: The first verified case of Sackoff's Syndrome, the mysterious illness discovered by beloved All Sci Fi Commentator Rand, has been reported in Los Angeles California. For those who do not know, Sackoff's Syndrome is a virus which transforms women into men and causes testicular tissue to shrivel up only to regenerate as ovarian tissue in males. The United States Surgeon General, Dr. C. Everet BANG, says there is no cause for alarm...yet. "Buttercup the walrus is being very considerate during her time of mourning and is allowing officials from the World Health Orginzation to go through the late Rand's notebooks and papers for any information which might lead to a cure or at least a vaccine." Also, world famous survivalist expert Fab-G, was seen stocking up on bottled water, freeze dried food rations and ammunition for his arsenal of weapons. Said Fab-G: "As Civilization crumbles I'm heading for the hills. I'll be back once everything settles down and be like Charlton Heston in The Omega Man. Also, Fantastic Fantasy Reporter Geraldo Tucker has still not been heard from since his last report from the late Rand's Fortress of Solitude. A fifteen buck reward is being offered to anyone with any information as to his whereabouts. This is the very hot Cassie Nova reporting.
FANTASTIC FANTASY posts on 3/22/2006 11:47:27 PM
NEWS FLASH ANTARCTICA... This afternoon, while his invincible army of super intelligent alien penguins and walruses attacked the already besieged city of New Orleans, the body of Rand, the world famous, scientist, gynocologist, astronaut, rock star, theologian, author, and former Supreme Commander of the Republics of Antarctica and France lay in state in his Fortress of Solitude on a gigantic marble bier guarded by members of the elite figter group Silver Beak Squadron. It was while this reporter was innocently going through Rand's pockets that I noticed a strange mark on Rand's neck. Closer examination revealed it to be the seam of a latex mask. Growing suspicious, the penguins approached, asking for my identification papers. Realizing I was running out of time, I ripped the mask off, only to find that the body in the coffin was not that of Rand at all, but... TRANSMISSION broken off at the source.
Galacticafan posts on 3/22/2006 5:39:01 PM
Hey FF. Will there be an Ascension in one of your next posts? Or did you report rands demise as an illusion to throw off the forces?
Fantastic Fantasy posts on 3/22/2006 3:08:04 PM
NEWS FLASH ANTARCTICA: Beloved All Sci Fi Commentator, humanatarian, theologist, author and formelrly The Supreme Emperor of Antarctica, France and all eccentric people world wide, Rand...is dead. Not all the facts are known as this story goes to press, but we do know that American President George W. Bush had accused Rand of using the natural resources of Antarctica, which almost every nation on Earth lays claim to, to build a sinister laser weapon called a pulsar which he intended to use to force all the nations on Earth to surrender their supplies of Luden's cherry cough drops, and for the city of Los Angeless to surrender all the actress in its multi-billion dollar adult movie industry where Rand could perform sinister but unspecified experiments. When Rand called such charges nonsense, saying the U.S. only wanted to steal Antarctica's recently discovered petrolium deposits, President Bush immediately sent the entire United States Air force to bomb Rand at his Fortress of Solitude. However, the U.S. forces were forced to withdraw when met by a force of Colonial Vipers flown by an elite squadron of penguin warriors. Unlike most leaders, Rand was on the front line with his followers, dressed like Commander Adama from the beloved sci-fi classic Battlestar Galactica when he met his fiery and no doubt glorious fate. How his latest death will affect Rand's future plans remains to be seen, but one thing this reporter knows from his previous interviews with Rand is that you can't keep a good psychopath down for long. In a statement released for the world media, Buttercup the walrus said that Rand will be given a Viking style funeral on Friday morning. It was asked that no one send flowers or get well cards. At the same time, half a world away, New Orleans, Louisiana was attacked by five Colonial Battlestars under the command of Mr. Widget the penguin, who at least temporarily, is now in charge of the Government of Antarctica. Thousands of penguin and walrus warrior paratroopers swarmed the city, reclaiming it in the name of Antarctica and France. A message was then sent to the White House stating that the peace loving warriors of the Republics of Antarctica and France will not return New Orleans to the The United States until the war criminal and litttle known sci-fi writer Ron Moore and actress Katie Sackoff are handed over to stand trial for crimes against Humanity. And also, we want that Emerle lugosi guy on the Food Network to undergo an operation where he can never say BAM again. As the world lingers on the brink of intergalactic war Fantastic Fantasy will continue to bring you the latest developments.
Bang Bang posts on 3/22/2006 2:22:49 AM
Utilizing the Patriot Act, President Bush today declared that the sci-fi magazine known as "Fantastic Fantasy" has been declared illegal and immoral by the Federal Government. Bush, who has been under pressure by his chief financial contributor Rand, made the announcement today prior to a massive book-burning of all copies of the magazine. Rand, the sci-fi commentator who was executed aboard the Battlestar Galactica, revived as a humanoid Arab Cylon, and elected as Emperor of France, returned today from his Fortress of Solitude in Antarctica to attend the mass burning. He had many supporters on hand, including the commentator Bang Bang, who tried to rile up the crowd by jumping on a big stack of the magazines, pulling down his pants, and urinating on them. Unfortunately, all this only led to "small talk." Massive book burnings of "Fantastic Fantasy" also took place across the Middle East, when the CIA leaked that a Danish cartoonist had once worked for the magazine. Afterwards, the President announced that he would be selling the Louisiana Purchase back to France; after Rand and his French workers had cleaned up New Orleans, the U.S. would simply invade it and take it back over. By evening, Rand returned to his Fortress of Solitude in Antarctica, but while test-firing his new Ravishol Pulsar Gun, he accidentally blew a big hole in the ice, and millions of gallons of oil began to shoot up into the sky. Antarctica has oil! President Bush immediately took to the airwaves and accused Antarctica of having Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Fantastic Fantasy posts on 3/21/2006 11:53:59 PM
NEWSFLASH ANTARCTICA...Today, in a press conference held at the Antarctica Hilton, controversial, beloved and respected All Sci Fi Commentator Rand admitted to the world that he has suffered from a serious addiction to Luden's Cherry Cough Drops for twenty five years and will be checking into the Betty Ford Clinic to kick the insidious habit. Rand, whose real name is Mohammed Mustaffa Ali Bin Weedie Lebowitz, was born to muslim parents and raised as an orthodox jew in Tel Avive where he was a sheperd on his father's pig farm. after discovering sci-fi, he came to America, changed his name legally to Elton Hercules Rand and soon became the most respected voice on All Sci Fi, where he was recently signed to a ten year, ten trillion dollar contract. Over the past two years he has suffered from severe mood swings and bouts of depression, the blame for which he lays solely at the door of little known sci fi writer Ron Moore. At the mere mention of Moore's name, Rand flies into violent fits of rage, speaking about the end of civilization and even the human race due to some mysterious plagues called Ginovitis and Sackoff's Syndrome. Rand's spokesman, Mr. Widget the penguin said: "I really don't know what's going to happen next. I mean he's slipped on that old psychological banana peel several times in the past, but this time he's really in bad shape. He's been talking into his shoe like it was a telephone, trying desperately to contact someone or something called Bin Bang and some imaginary beagle named Porthos. I fear his only hope is to find this mysterious Ron Moore person and ask him to please end Battlestar Galactica reimagined. Otherwise, it's only a matter of time before the most wonderful human being ever born slips into incurable madness.
Fantastic Fantasy posts on 3/21/2006 3:15:50 AM
News Flash Antarctica: Extremely popular and controversial All Sci-Fi Commentator Rand went beserk today and had to be heavily sedated and restrained. Still recovering from his unjust execution and discovering that he was actually a humanoid cylon, Rand received yet another set back when Ron Moore, the executive producer of the new Battlestar Galactica series read Rand's own proposal for a reimagining of the classic and beloved science fiction series. Moore's simple comment to keep up the good work reportedly drove Rand to bang his head against the ice walls of his Fortress of Solitude, then rip off his clothes and run out into the bitterly cold weather screaming. Rand's close, personal friends, Buttercup the walrus and the penguin known only as Mr. Widget released the following statement. "We knew Rand was having trouble dealing with the success of the new Battlestar Galactica series, but we simply didn't realize how serious the problem had become until we found his personal B-ble. Rand had scratched out all the reference to S-tan and replaced them with MooreRon. As this article was going to press, Rand's personal therapist, Dr. Sigmund Jung Pavlov Brothers and the super band Pink Floyd were on a private plane bound for Antarctica to offer their support and comfort to Rand in his time of need. More details as they become available.
rand posts on 3/18/2006 9:59:12 PM
ben, the cylons were reimagined as female robots with out of control libedoes for two reason. first: there's no expensive robot costumes to make or keep up. secondly: teenage boys who would never give gino a second look can't help but oogle half naked women. if hot blonde or asian women performed opera in the nude teenage boys would watch it. and you're right, they're not cylons, they're fembots. take care.
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