An unstoppable army of tribal lizard warriors, seething with vengeance and armed to the fangs with swords and axes, are poised to sweep across the lands of Pyrus, a place where both magic and psychic abilities have evolved as natural phenomenon. The Brothers of the Paranormal, a sect of benevolent psionic monks, discover that the lizard's aim to have their revenge on the old city of Port Packham. Against overwhelming odds, he resolves to try and use the monk's abilities to prevent the onslaught.
When Norris Bartlett, a struggling salesman at Worthington Galvanised Tubings, is accidentally transported through an unreality hole from his own world into this alternative existence, he becomes the last hope for the Port's inhabitants - and he only went in the kitchen to put the kettle on. He finds that he has to travel across the bizarre, pear-shaped world of Pyrus to seek out a mystical artifact that might save them all - the legendary Lost Pearl of Wisdom. But the Pearl been hidden by ancient priests and is guarded by an unspeakable horror - which is a pity since it remains Norris's only hope of ever returning to his own existence.
He's accompanied on his quest by Sister Rosehip, a novice from the Sisters of the Unexplained and Cadmus Catchwinkle, an arrogant, inept magician whose spellcasting ability is on par with a stuffed otter. Their guide is Garstang, a desperately inexperienced treasure hunter ("Tombs Raided While-U-Wait") who couldn't find a brick in a bucket. Armed with ancient maps, magical scrolls and Cadmus's copy of "Amateur Spellcaster", the group set out to return with the Pearl before the invasion begins.
Before long, the murderous army of lizards is at the very drawbridges of the Port and only old Captain Wetherspoon's small garrison of undisciplined soldiers and conscripts stand in their way. Unfortunately, the garrison's idea of a good fight was to see who could raise the white flag first.
In a spectacular and nail-biting climax, Norris discovers he's just a pawn in a much bigger game - a plan so audacious that it puts every world in the universe on the threshold of destruction – including his own.
Norris discovers that he's even worse at preventing universal cataclysms that he ever was at selling Galvanised Tubing. So when things start to go pear-shaped, Norris needs all the help he can get.
This report prepared by Mike Carterton