Nancy Venable Raine Message Board
Michael posts on 3/2/2012 12:14:26 PM
Page by page, it is so difficult to read, as each thought, memory, and analysis so aptly apply...not specifically to me, I suppose, but to my situation. Over a year ago I met the young woman who would soon become my girlfriend as she and her parents picked up a coffee on the way to the rape crisis center--attempts at normalcy. Eight months later, while visiting family out of the country, she was raped again. Her trauma has been severe and so overwhelming that it has all but destroyed our relationship. My trauma, too...and my inability to put a foot down at abuses from her because I blame everything on the rape...and my inability to put my foot in my mouth when my patience blows. Our impotence. The many men who raped her on three total occasions never suffered a consequence. My suspicion is that they do not even consider themselves rapists. My anger at them and at the world, which makes her feel worse, like she is only spreading pain and anguish. She feels guilty. She feels dirty. I feel guilty. I feel like all I've wanted was to be there for her in her hour--or so many countless hours--of need. But times moves forward, and I often feel I am somehow part of the problem now. It is so hard to walk away. We have grown to love each other, but we fight and make each other miserable. I want to walk away. I think it is best. I am just a crutch to her. But it is so hard. She loves me, and is perhaps scared to be on her own. I love her, and I am scared for her to be on her own.
I read the pages of this book, and it hurts with every line. I cry at every page. I know it has a happy ending, but I also know that for her...my girlfriend...that happy ending--a new beginning--may be years away. She mostly just wants to forget, but I who sleeps next to her while each night she wakes with nightmares, I know that she does not and will not forget.
I am so angry at the world. Angry at the men who did this... So angry I have meticulously planned their....
Angry at myself for many things, too. I could have saved someone many years ago, but instead I was afraid to move, and I watched her die. Now I am a grown man, so complex, so nuanced. I fell in love with someone I wanted to save, and wanting to prove to her that she is so beautiful and worthy of love and respect, I have strung her along in an impossible relationship in which she abuses me and I torture her with my inconsistency...what could be called an "allergy to commitment."
Why is rape such a common thing? How does this happen? Why does it mean so much to me?
So many questions, a million unsatisfying answers.
But I am grateful for authors like Nancy Raine, who have come forth to share their story with dignity.
Tammy posts on 9/3/2008 2:09:37 AM
I survived a rape in 2000 and during my time of grasping for any hope for sanity I found Raine's book. I have posted before on this and I just wanted to say how much I still appreciate what she did for me. I am now in a position through my church to be able to help others who have experienced similar issues. With a program called Celebrate Recovery and Life Hurts God Heals I am not only continuing my own recovery but can open windows for others. I still owe this all to After Silence. Thank You so much Nancy. --Tammy
posts on 7/25/2006 2:04:56 PM
This book has opened up a big can of beans, so to speak. I also have been a victom of molestation and rape. I, however, did not exibit the worst symptoms until recently, (I am now 43). I, like most other people, thought that if I ignore the memories they will eventually go away. Boy was I wrong. Suicide was the only thing I contiplated as a final solution, so I put myself in the hospital. Thank goodness I didn't do anything stupid. I have a son, now 24 years old, as a result of the rape, and if I would have done what I had wanted to do, my son would be all alone in this world. That would have been alful selfish of me to leave him alone. I feel better knowing I am not alone and that if others can survive, so can I.
Tammy posts on 3/4/2005 2:06:26 AM
Raine's story has helped me to conquer the shame of being a rape survivor. Her book, her story, has helped me to see that my thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not abnormal. It helped me to realize that I'm not alone in this and that it is possible to build a new life afterwards. She truly is an inspiration and a guardian angel that helped guide me through some difficult times. She told me once, we may not be able to ever meet, but we are all together and she said, "feel my hand in yours". That meant so much to me. I was not alone. Raine and her book will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you.
Note: the views expressed here are only those of the posters.