This is a parody about the story of four orphans brought together by fate for an epic adventure. Lucy (played by Jayma Mayes) is the first of four orphans. She was raised by a museum curator and learns the DaVinci code is the number seven which gives her a candy bar from the vending machine. The candy bar contains a golden ticket for an epic adventure. The second orphan is Edward (played by Kal Penn). He is thrown out of a Mexican orphanage just as he gets a golden ticket for an epic adventure. The third orphan is Susan (played by Faune A. Chambers). She is on a plane going to her adoptive parents in Namibia when the plane is suddenly full of snakes. She is thrown from the plane and lands safely because she crushes Paris Hilton who breaks her fall. She finds a golden ticket for an epic adventure in Paris Hilton's handbag. The fourth orphan is Peter (played by Adam Campbell) who is an outcast amongst outcasts going to the mutant academy. Peter gets in a fight with Wolverine and when Peter finds his super powers, he is able to spread chicken wings from his back. Peter gets a golden ticket for an epic adventure as well.
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All four orphans arrive at the candy factory of Willy Wonka (played by Crispin Glover). Willy takes them all inside. He tells them the reason the Wonka candy tastes so good is because it has real pieces of children in it. Wonka plans to chop them up and put them in the candy recipes. He holds them hostage. They fight amongst themselves. Lucy gets out of the room. She finds a big wardrobe closet in the other room. When she opens the door many things come out of it including a naked woman. She goes deep into the closet. She emerges in a snowy winter. She sticks her tongue to a light pole. She tries to pull away and stretches it one foot long. She cuts it free using an axe. She meets a faun (half-man/half-goat) named Mr. Tumnus (played by Hector Jimenez). He tells her, she is in Gnarnia. The “G” is silent like gnome or gnarly. He takes her to his "Kribb". He has a bachelor pad with flat screens everywhere, in the toilet, under the sofa and on the head of a woman for watching TV, when she polishes his hoofs. He warns her about the White Bitch (played by Jennifer Coolidge). Edward follows Lucy into the wardrobe closet and into Gnaria. He meets the White Bitch. Her sidekick is Bink (played by Tony Cox). The White Bitch impresses Edward by making a magical 40 ounce beer appear, then tells him he can be King and she will be his Queen. She shows him her White Castle (the hamburger store). She tells him to bring her the others and she will make him King. Peter and Susan also arrive on the scene, having come through the wardrobe. Lucy warns them of the danger.
They meet a talking beaver called Harry Beaver (with the voice of Katt Williams). The Beaver tells Peter he is the hero they are waiting for to save the land of Gnaria from the White Bitch. Lucy finds the birth certificates of all the orphans. They have the same last name of “Pervertsky” and they are all related. The Beaver tells them their parents were killed by the White Bitch. She separated them so the prophecy of them saving Gnarnia will not come true. Mr. Tumnus shows up. He kisses the beaver telling him he loves the smell of Harry Beaver. Mr. Tumnus tells them to go see Mr. Aslo (played by Fred Willard). They meet Harry Potter (played by Kevin McDonald) and the rest of the Potter gang, who are all old and disgusting, but who train them to fight the White Bitch.
The White Bitch throws Edward into the dungeon. Edward meets Captain Jack Swallows (played by Darrell Hammond) in the dungeon. He helps Edward escape. They go to the pirate ship and perform a music video. The Captain sells out Edward for gold, once Edward admits his family is going to Aslo's. The White Bitch has a Weapon of Mass Destruction she plans to use to kill billions. Lucy, Peter, and Susan meet Aslo who is half-man/half-lion, a "liman." Aslo tells them he will help save Edward if they do something for him first. All four get in bed together. Aslo farts and makes them go under the sheets to smell it. Aslo fights the Albino and kills him. They save Edward. Aslo is then killed by the White Bitch. Peter gets them to agree to fight the White Bitch with him. But first Peter tells them they must party. They throw a wild party. Mystique (played by Carmen Electra) seduces Peter. Mystique shape-changes her breast and ass into larger sizes.
The next day the four orphans face the army of the White Bitch alone. Then Captain Jack Swallows comes up riding a water wheel. The white Bitch turns into a squid woman, then throws the squid on Jack Swallows to defeat him. All the orphans are wounded. Peter finds a remote control in the grass. He freezes the action. He heals his brother and sisters. The orphans easily kill the army while they are frozen in position. They erase the White Bitch's evil plot using the remote control. Captain Jack Swallows runs over the White Bitch crushing her with the water wheel. Peter, Lucy, Susan and Edward are made the Kings and Queens of Gnarnia. Many years later, when they are very old, they find the wardrobe again. They re-enter the wardrobe and are restored to young again. They are congratulated by Borat (played by Danny Jacobs) for making the movie have a happy ending. They are run over by the water wheel. Borat says “Not!”
Best part of story, including ending:
This film is full of look-a-likes which are very similar to the real people which makes it funny.
Best scene in story:
I like the scene when Mr. Tumnus the faun shows his “kribb” with the flat screen televisions everywhere including under the sofa cushions in case you want to watch TV while looking for coins.
Opinion about the main character:
The four orphans of Edward, Peter, Lucy and Susan are characters who are about as silly and stupid as is possible.
