Detailed plot synopsis reviews of The Accidental Empress |
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Helene and Sisi (rhymes with "pissy") are sisters, and duchesses. Helene is summoned to Austria to marry the Franz Joseph, the Emperor of the Austrian Empire which spans much of Europe. Sisi goes with her.
But Helene doesn't want to marry Franz Joseph. She doesn't want to be an Empress. You immediately wonder if she is perhaps a lesbian. Then she says she wants to enter a nunnery and if you thought before that Helene might have been a lesbian, at the mention of nunnery you think it's now about ten times more likely.
When they get to Austria they are met by the Emperor's mom, the Archduchess Sophie, who is immediately unimpressed with Helene. Helene acts like a complete retard, unable to answer even basic questions like "How was your trip?" and just stands there in silence. Sophie is also disappointed that Helene is too thin (flat-chested) to be a good wife for reproduction purposes.
Click here to see the rest of this reviewYou have to wonder about this whole process--why was Helene summoned to marry Franz if Franz had no idea what she even looked like or anything about her? Why not summon her to meet her first, rather than setting a marriage before they had even met? This makes absolutely no sense.
Anyway, Sisi is just the opposite. She is talkative, spunky, and has larger breasts than Helene even though she, Sisi, is only 15 years old. Franz wants to marry Sisi instead of Helene, but Franz's mother Sophie is furious.
On the one hand Sophie doesn't like that Helene doesn't talk much but then she says she likes the fact that Helene isn't so opinionated. Then she says that Sisi is from a low-class family and can't marry Franz but Helene, from the very same family, isn't low class. Nothing in Sophie's objections makes any sense.
Anyway Sophie reluctantly agrees to let Franz marry Sophie but they have to wait 8 months to make sure that Sophie has not been impregnated by another man--Sophie, a 15 year old girl. This also makes no sense.
And if they were getting married today--Franz to his cousin who would be 16 years old upon marriage--Franz would be known as a incestuous pedophile. But in the book instead he is called Emperor.
Meanwhile, Sisi feels incredibly guilty for stealing Helene's chance to be Empress, and cries a river of tears as she squeezes her own breasts, which makes zero sense, since Helene has stated over and over that she wants to be a lez--I mean, to enter a nunnery, so Sisi's whining for pages and pages about it seems unreasonable. Also, do women really squeeze their own breasts when they get upset? I thought they only do that when they are happy.
Meanwhile Sophie is a real bitch. She dumps on Sisi's Bavarian origins, saying Austrians are superior, and insults Sisi's dad, calling him a commoner. She tells Sisi that if it is discovered that Sisi is not a virgin on her wedding night that she will suffer. I guess this means that if Sisi does not bleed from her v_gina during her first sexual encounter with the Emperor, that Sophie will make her bleed from other places.
Sisi prepared to get married. She took a lot of dancing lessons and had her teeth straightened. Her preparation looks a lot like grooming for a dog show.
Sisi is warned that while she is expected to be a virgin on her wedding night, her husband Franz most definitely not be, having boned some loyal subjects. Sisi wondered if she would meet women at court who Franz had boned and wondered who they might be.
On their wedding night something odd happened. Franz didn't try to bone her.
