The Accidental Empress by Allison Pataki Summary Study Guide

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Plot Summary Part 2

Not the second night either. Was he gay or unable to get an erection? You have to wonder at least until the third night, when he finally boned her. Maybe he was waiting to get a viagra prescription filled or something.

When Franz finally boned her and penetrated her v_gina with his royal p_nis he thrust through her hymen like a royal cavalry division, causing her to bleed on the bedsheet. The bloody sheet was held up for examination to all the next day at breakfast and everyone talked about Sisi's v_ginal secretions, especially Sophie. To make her humiliation complete, Sisi even got a little gift, a prize for being a virgin on her wedding night, heh heh.

Sisi found sex with Franz unsatisfying. He thrust into her until he squirted her with his Emperor-like sperm, but then immediately stopped before Sisi could get an orgasm. When she tried to get more sex out of him he shrugged her away, uninterested in her needs.

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Sisi is surprised to find that her slippers are thrown in the garbage every day. She is not allowed to wear the same pair of slippers two days in a row. This makes no sense. Can you imagine how many pairs of shoes are thrown out every year in the castle? And why doesn't this rule apply to pants, socks, and underwear? There is no explanation.

Sisi gets pregnant almost immediately, and is surprised to find that EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE in the castle knows about it before she does. How? Because everyone knows she didn't get her period last month. And how do they know that? Because Sophie has spies who look at Sisi's bedsheets to see if she bleeds into them every month! Sophie has a score of v_gina informants who report on every drop of blood that comes out of Sisi!

This is totally ridiculous. Even in the 19th century, didn't they have tampons or rags? Did women, especially royalty, bleed into their beds when they had their periods? I don't think so. Anyway Sisi is embarrassed and furious that Sophie has been keeping such close tabs on her v_gina.

Franz is very pleased with the news, saying he picked the right wife--not because of her personality, but because he could knock her up quickly like a cow. Sisi asks if the baby is a girl if they can name her Helene, after Sisi's probably lesbo sister, and Franz agrees.

When the baby is born, Sophie names the baby Sophie, after her, and Franz's agreement goes out the window. Sophie controls every aspect of Sisi's pregnancy. She even tells Sisi not to stare too closely at her pet parrot because it will influence her unborn child, that instead she should stare at paintings of her husband.

When Sisi gets very pregnant Sophie parades her in front of the common folk like a prized cow to show them Franz's great achievement.

For the last four months of her pregnancy, Franz refuses to bone her, on Sophie's order. Perhaps Sophie fears that Franz's p_nis can poke the baby's eye out, heh heh.  When Sisi asks for more sex he tells her not to be such a slut. Sisi worries that Franz will bone other women while she is pregnant. She has nothing to worry about in this regard, as Franz does not even touch another girl (except the ones he has sex with).

When Sisi asks him what they will do for four months if they won't have sex, Franz has a better idea--he will play the piano for her. The piano substitutes for sex. Heh heh heh. Sorry, that made me laugh.

Sisi notices that Franz mysteriously disappears from her bedroom for several nights. She fears he is "playing the piano" for other women, heh heh.

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