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abb839 posts on 5/5/2016 8:41:52 AM There are days like this where all I want to do is dig a hole and throw myself into. Sometimes I think why do I make the effort to do something when I know the end result always end in failure. Why do I put myself out there when there is nothing in return. There are so much that I can keep down but on the surface, it's all happy go lucky.
cs17 posts on 4/29/2016 9:39:23 PM I want to write this anonymously to get it out there as I feel it won't be real if it's just floating around in my head. I certainly feel that I have done nothing but underachieved in my life. Some of it has come down to some bad luck, most of it has been my fault. I never seem to get out of my own way and get out of my own head when I need to. I feel very fortunate to be blessed with a reasonable family and a relatively understanding woman. I've went back to school for something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I was born with a variety of medical issues. As a result of these issues, and me being me, I think things are starting to catch up with me. I really do hope that I get the opportunity to live a long life in reasonable health with my mental faculties intact. I really wish to use the education that I have received (and will continue to receive) to help benefit the lives of individuals I come into contact with. Going forward, I wish to be honest, humble, less judgemental, attentive, and patient. I will write these values down and make them goals I wish to achieve. I feel depressed, down, and really want the opportunity to turn my life around so I can be a positive force in the world. If I'm luck; God willing, I will.
Rinkoru posts on 4/16/2016 6:16:10 PM Ever heard "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri? When I was little, my mom always sang this song to me. We saw it as our song, and with it, she'd always remind me that she loved me for a thousand years and would love me for a thousand more. She had a drinking problem, but only because she needed to numb the excruciating back pain she always had. I knew that. But sometimes I'd come home and she'd be passed out, and I'd have to be the "mom" for my brothers. This landed me into foster care by myself. My brothers were sent together somewhere else. And every time I heard this song, I heard her voice calling out to me, telling me to hold on for a bit longer. "One step closer." For both of us, I knew, every time we heard the song, we cried. Eventually, her custody over me was taken from her. I grew up. Matured. Realized that even though time and time again she'd say she loved me, she'd hurt me emotionally and physically enough for me not to believe it. By the time we saw each other again, I was cold and angry to her, but she was all smiles and open-armed like nothing happened. Like she'd never done anything wrong.



floating log posts on 4/11/2016 6:05:21 AM I am so alone. I am craving human contact. Everywhere I look is couples and families and happy people rubbing it in my face.
IncarnateOfPassion posts on 4/6/2016 1:45:44 PM I don't feel emotions as readily as others might, due to moderate autism. I'm feeling what I think is love. It is like hot, rough and chaotic. It sets my heart ablaze and wracks me with pain. I want more. Although it feels like my chest is filled with molten iron, I want that sensation more than anything.
Rinkoru posts on 3/31/2016 1:07:30 PM I feel like everyone either expects too much or too little of me, and I'm trapped in a cage of other people's expectations.
Tinker Belle posts on 3/31/2016 10:21:01 AM I'm never going to stop loving you. I couldn't if I wanted to. The only thing that is keeping me strong right now is the hope that one day I will see you again and maybe things will be like they once were. I'm not moving on. I can't and I don't want to. I still want everything I told you. I will never give up on you, on us. There hasn't been a second that has passed that I haven't thought about you. I will wait for the rest of my life if I have to, but it's you I want. I don't really know why, but I feel like I need to say this. I have to say there is never going to be anyone else and that you are it. I love you. Do you remember writing this? Do you remember how you felt when you were writing it? When I read it, it gave me reason to step back from the edge, just knowing there was someone willing to fight for this as much as me. That willingness was borne from something special. Something I've never felt before. A true bliss. I have used these words as a mantra, a reminder of what I have to look forward to. What I have to live for. These words are my inspiration to keep going when this seems too much for me to handle. I still want that paradise. I am still hopeful that when I finish my journey and Charon returns me Home, that I will be greeted by those last three words, words that I have so longed to hear.
-------------------------------------- posts on 3/28/2016 1:44:56 AM I have some ideas for a game that I have already into production... here's how it goes. > You are a ball > Collect Items - to score points > Obstacles If you have any suggestions... tell me..
Amelly posts on 3/28/2016 1:24:02 AM Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing with my life anymore. Everyday seems like the same meaningless routine, I'm sick of it. I'm not living life, I'm just walking through it. I don't know if its the fact that my past is always haunting me, looming over my shoulder or if its the fact that I cant bear to even look at myself in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach, hating everything I see. All I want is someone to tell its going to be okay and actually mean it not just say it for the sake of saying it. All I need is someone to prove to me that there's light in this world because right now I cant find the light because all I see is darkness.
Tachikoma posts on 3/18/2016 10:00:19 PM By the way… By the way, I love you? I’m in love with a wierdo who drags his pet lizard across town on the bus to come watch a movie with me. And I’m not sure what I can do about it. I’ve already told him I like him. But it wasn’t enough. I have a boyfriend after all. Whom I also love. And am very loyal to. Well, in some ways I guess maybe not. He knows I like someone. He seems fine with it so long as it’s only a crush and never goes beyond that. But it’s kind of not just a crush anymore. And it kinda kills me that I can’t do anything about it out of loyalty for the first guy I loved. He was the first, so he takes priority. I enjoy spending time with both of them, the wierdo and the first guy.
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