Betty Mahmoody Message Board
Nur posts on 12/9/2008 5:51:17 AM
I was in a very similar situation in a different Islamic country. As a westerner who embraced Islam and commited to raising my child as a Muslim , I was treated in much the same way on arriving in my husband's country. The fact that I am muslim did not make a difference. I was a woman and I was a westerner. I struggled for a couple of years , trying to pull my family together instead of seeking escape. We now live in the west again and we are still functioning as a family . I have been traumatised, however, by the manner in which a loving spouse becomes a demon,given the correct environment, family support and legal powers. I suffered a lot and I would not wish this to happen to any of my sisters, whether Muslim or otherwise. If in doubt as to travelling to an Islamic country with a husband from one of these countries, then please DO NOT GO ! There are plenty of good people and Muslims living in the West and other parts of the world and it is not necessary to travel to one of these HELLS ON EARTH. NO matter HOW STRICT A MUSLIM YOU MIGHT BE. I love my Islam but I will never recover from the experiences , degradation and utter desperation and consant threats I lived under while in my husband's country. To the fathers,
be a good and loving husband and if you marry a western woman , teach her about Islam from the before the marriage... From a mother who has her child with her and is grateful for this every moment of the day.
Marcy M. posts on 12/3/2008 11:03:51 AM
Who knows if Betty's story is true or made up? At the time everyone hated Iran and all Iranians. Did anyone, even care to investigate? Certainly not the publisher of her book, or who ever produced that hateful movie.
Think--folks--THINK. 35 years ago, our government told us to LOVE the modernized and great Iran. NOW, they tell us to hate. They do it using the media to their advantage. And we are too busy with our lives to think for ourselves.
As a parent, I believe that Mahtab needs to hear her father's side of the story. He is half of her existence, and She is not a kid anymore.
Go to to YOU TUBE and watch "without my daughter". DO IT NOW.
Rose posts on 11/2/2008 3:02:04 PM
I first read this book way back in the early 90's. I couldn't believe that Iranian women were subject to this horrible treatment by their husbands. Its hard to understand. At that time, I had a friend who was from Iran, suffering under the tyrant husband who of course never got the message that they now lived in America, and lo and behold, she had rights! He beat her regurally and eventually she confided in my coworkers and myself. I am proud to say that we helped her as much as we could and she was able to leave her husband; she had to hide for weeks while he looked for her, and he came to our workplace and threatend us; of course, we didn't think twice about calling the police, and he soon found out American women are protected by the law. After I read the book, I had much more compassion for the women who in trying to practise their faith are subject to horrible treatment. Its very sad.
I too wonder how Betty & her daughter are doing.
Marilyn L. posts on 11/2/2008 9:15:42 AM
In 1962, I married a Palestinian man who became an American citizen after having married me but NEVER internalized the commitment and devotion to his 'new' country. To this day at age 73, he remains Palestinian in heart, sympathies, devotion, and along with his new Palestinian wife (now American) and son born here and now a teenager, celebrated at 9/11. Who do I write? I wrote once before and someone responded, "Why would you marry a man like that and, above all, have children by them?" I truly wonder about that person, their knowledge about 'falling in love,' taking on the mantle of your beloved, being the weaker personality of the two, etc., ad nauseum. I guess I would question responders' level of naivete.
Why I write today is to let other women in oppressive marriages/situations know, there are ways out. They might not be the most comfortable but they exist. I was forced to leave my children behind because my choices were: insanity, commiting murder, or leaving my children behind because he threatened my life if I ever left again and took the children. I didn't want to go insane, I didn't want to end up behind bars, so at great sacrifice and pain, I left. Initially as a visit to my parents but it ended up to be 'forever,' however, I never was out of touch with the children; didn't matter, he blocked all my efforts to have a healthy relationship with my 3 children.
Today where am I? Well, with the support of friends and my family, I went back to college, got all kinds of teaching certification, went to work, switched careers, finished the master's degree in one subject then did post master's work to become a Speech Pathologist. I have had a successful, rewarding career now for over 20 years. I do have relationship with one of my children but the other two (and all grown) are bound to their father by his handy, generous financial gifts which buy their love. I have faced the truth, I'm resigned to just going ahead in life and put my cares and concerns and wishes regarding those 2 behind me. They have made their choices.
I perceive that they have learned to 'spit on their mother,' in a figurative way, which is not unusual to be taught to children of..would it be Arab or Muslim men when there's a breakup? Whatever, there is life after death when you have your own emotional death in this life. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you just keep looking. When you get to the end of that tunnel, you may find fields of flowers, gorgeous big green trees, lots of sun and pretty hills.
As I look to turning age 70 in 2009, and I am still working, am still healthy, still appreciated for who I am and what I do, I say to any of you experiencing what I did 17 or so years ago, lean on your faith, your friends, and your good sense about what to do. Find your own Yellow Brick road to go down and be successful. Children grow up and go into their own worlds. I'm convinced, however, that no matter how much brainwashing has gone on, Mom will always remain a warm, cuddly thought especially if she created those moments with the child when they were young.
Kae posts on 10/29/2008 7:55:56 PM
If the Koran is to teach peace to the people, why are there so many wars involving the Middle East since history begun. After reading the book, “Not without my daughter” and absorbing it deeply, one realises that there are many issues to be dealt with. “No women or child deserve to be beaten. This happens all over the world. Also worth remembering is that once on his homeland soil Moody reverted back to his traditional ways. Islamic laws of the Koran on dealing with a “baad” wife are combined with those of the Middle Eastern Government laws. Men have rights and women do not, the Pasdar made sure of that. No one enjoys wearing a hot, suffocating restrictive and claustrophobic garb as there laws tell them to do so. I believe the biggest lesson learnt after reading about Bettys experience in marrying an Iranian or anyone of a different culture to yourself is to research the background of that culture and their country and then decide if you can adhere to the expectations required of you as a their wife, as it will be for life. Too late to change your expectations after the marriage and you are trapped. Please learn from others experiences and be warned. I see Betty as remarkable, loving, compassionate, inspiring woman who fought for the freedom and safety of herself and her child Mahtob, as any mother would do in her dilemma.
liz posts on 10/27/2008 5:02:38 PM
betty and mahtob,
Aafter watching your story i was moved as after facing death as a mother due to illness i know how much a love for a child can do for a person. You are such an inspiration and have such strength, i wish you and your family the every best for your futures. Dont stop doing what you are doing, my heart goes to you and your daughter i wish you peace and happiness
Rupali posts on 9/18/2008 3:02:11 AM
Once i red your book when i was young, i am reading this book again, but now the situation has got changed, after reading your book now i have realised that i too haved lived with a hubby who has same attitutde, same behavious, same nature and with same fincancial situations with all fear and insucurities, i am staying sepreately with my parents with my only son, but still for son i had decided to go back to hubby, but through divine messages i was forced to read the book again and now i am realising that i should not go back to hubby and his home which is equal to hell. During your journey God helped you a lot, the same way i am getting God's messages for me through you and your book which gives me a courage to live life independently without fear and with courage.
Thank You so much for the book and your message for me.
God bless you and your sweet and strong doughter.
With love and light.
Noosa posts on 9/3/2008 11:57:13 AM
I hope I could get to meet Betty and Mahtob in person. I am a Christian who was born and raised in Egypt, which is a muslim country. My biggest dream since I was a little girl was to leave and come to the USA. When I was 16, a muslim neighbor told my father that when I am old enough to marry that he was going to kidnap me and his son was going to marry me and I was going to be a muslim. However, my dad would never allow that to happen. As a result, he sent me away to live in the USA and to go to an American college. I was so happy to go come to the US and I love it here a whole lot. Eventhough sometimes I get homesick and miss my family and I visit them from time to time, I am so happy to be in the USA where I am free to live a happy safe life that I can build for myself. I have watch the movie "Not without my daughter" and read the book. It is very couragious what you did to get you and your daughter out of Iran and getting your freedom back. I admire you both and I wish to meet you someday. I admire anyone who is strong and couragious. You did the right thing to protect your daughter.
your ardent admirer posts on 9/2/2008 1:10:44 PM
betty mahmoody u r a very courageous lady.to attempt escape in those adverse conditions was both brave and desperate.not without my daughter has been my favourite book so far. i have been able to feel fr u n empathise with u.best of luck 2 u n mahtob. n hope i have d privilege of meeting u sometime.
shirley gardner posts on 8/30/2008 1:54:45 PM
Where are the mother and daughter? How did their lives turn out?
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